Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Being a Good Christian is Exhausting

On Sunday I came home from church drained. It occurred to me that this is not the purpose of church. Are we not supposed to go to church to be renewed?, refreshed?, rejuvenated? I will admit a large part of church for me is the fellowship and friendship, not necessarily the spirituality. As a minister's daughter I understand people attend church for several reasons. They also leave churches when their needs are not met.

It made me think about the exhaustion and drained feeling I get from church so often. I have been a member of this church for about 17 years. I realized that I have been dealing with conflict and churned up feelings for 7 years. Over time I have been more and sometimes less involved with the fallout. I have protected myself by ignoring or distancing myself from certain people or committees. I have even considered leaving the church.

I have been extremely fortunate to have close friends at church who keep me laughing and listen to me cry when I can't take it anymore. I also call my parents and vent. I gather perspective (OVER AND OVER AGAIN) because no matter what my perspective I cannot fix the problem. I am leaving this church by moving to Tennessee. I wish I did not have such a sense of relief. I am saddened to leave my friends behind. I feel as if I am leaving a blighted section of a city to move to a shining mansion on a hill. The hard work of repair and rebuilding is falling on their shoulders. The church is at a turning point (AGAIN) and I will not be standing with my loved ones giving it one last push. I guess I will do The only thing I know good Christians can do, pray a lot.

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