Sunday was not a great day for me. I had a Judy Moody kind of day. Judy Moody is a character in my daughter's books. The line often goes, "Judy Moody was in a mood, and it wasn't a good mood, it was a bad mood."
In the afternoon on Sunday, I had my mood. It was not actually a bad mood, it was more of a panic attack. Not the kind of thing to keep you from functioning, just a generalized sense of fear. I was on my way to the food store to buy eggs. (what kind of mother am I if there are no eggs!) I got a tightness in my chest, the tears came to my eyes, and I felt fear about the changes in my life to come.
During this process I have been positive, I see the wonderful things to come from this move. I am excited (mostly) about the chance to learn new things and meet new challenges. I will admit though, at the moment, I feel as if my life is a giant puzzle. I have the pieces but can't see the whole picture. I am unable to even assemble the frame, when is the closing?, will the money situation work out?, and when exactly do we move? The panic wells up and I want to call a friend.
Which friend? I have friends who are having difficulty with our leaving. Do I call them to share my fear and get empathy? I have a sister and friends who are having less trouble with our change in location.(location is just a place right?)Do I call them so they will buck me up? Who I call will have to wait. Afterall, I NEED eggs.
The really confusing part of this story is that I got so busy I never got to call anyone. The craziness of getting ready to move, help friends, take care of myself, and get Jack to the airport left me no time for phone calls. I was teary when I left Jack at the airport. He texted later to see if I would be bored in Tennesse when I was not so busy.
I told him I would be fine. In truth, my panic was ebbing away. I know myself well enough to know that in Tennessee, I will end up just as busy as I am now. The only real question is, how long will it take to get to that point again. And more importantly, when it happens, and I am stressed and pulling my hair out, I will think to myself, "What the %@&* was I thinking?"