The Big Bed

I will assume many of you have seen the movie, "When Harry Met Sally". A scene from that movie came to my mind the other day. Harry and Sally are watching "Casablanca". There is a split screen and they talk on the phone as they watch together. Toward the end of the scene, Harry asks Sally if she is taking up the whole bed now, since her break up from her boyfriend. She tells him yes, she is pretty much taking up the whole bed now. He replies how if one of his legs creeps over to his exes side of the bed it feels strange.

In this instance I agree with Harry. I had 10 days with my husband. Ten busy, crazy, wonderful, days with him. No matter how long the drive or frustrating the task, he would look at me and say, "Of course I am having fun, I am with you." I truly love him for that.(especially considering how bad my PMS has been getting)

Over the past few months we have had 2 days, maybe 2 1/2, together at a time. This length of 10 days seemed glorious. We got to eat together, explore Tennessee, drive together, and sleep together. I don't mean in the "down and dirty" way.(necessarily) Jack and I were able to be in the same bed at the same time. He was there to cuddle with, hear breathing, keep me warm, deal with noisy neighbors, and poke awake when I had anxiety.

Now the 10 days are over, Jack is back in Tennessee. I went to bed that first night and it was like I was back to square one. It used to be when Jack traveled,(which wasn't much)I would stay up late. I did not like crawling into bed without him. When he left in January the same pattern emerged, but could not be kept up. After all, I had a house to run and get ready for sale. I got used to the cold bed, and the quiet bedroom. I still do not creep over to his side of the bed.

I will admit to inviting the dog onto the bed when Jack is not home. Sage, while a wonderful dog, is not the most snugly. She offers some weight though and the pretense of SOMETHING with me for company. She does not have Jack's comfortable breathing, instead she has puppy dreams with in which she twitches and yelps softly and wakes me up. It is the best I can get. Thankfully Sage is intelligent enough to know that when Jack arrives she it off on her own.

I am happy to have had my 10 days in a row with Jack. No matter how scared and sad I am to leave Delaware, I know I need those 10 days and more to be truly safe and secure no matter where I am.