I Want A Pony

This is a blog about guilt. We all have guilt about some things I suppose. I feel guilty about poor decisions I have made or how I may have treated people poorly. At the moment I have guilt about the change coming in my children's lives, again.

I find it challenging and heartbreaking that all the things I made them do here in Tennessee I must make them do all over again in a year. I know it will be fine (or at least I hope it will), I know I did not plan it, I know I love them and they love me and that is the most important thing. I still have guilt.

As a parent I sometimes use guilt to get my children to do something. I know all parents do this at times. I know there is guilt in religion sometimes. There is also a joke in my house that involves my mom. She always wanted to take care of us and be sure we were alright. In the past she would often apologize for things that even she could not control. One day it was raining and as my mom gave my dad the umbrella she said,"I'm sorry." My dad replied, "why?, you did not make the rain." He was teasing her of course. I am like my mother and Jack teases me now when I say stuff like that.

Right now though, I still look at my children and say, "I'm sorry". I think of the movie "Sixteen Candles". The parents forget their daughters 16th birthday and her friend says,"You should tell them. There is some major guilt gifts to come out of it." I think if my kids said, "I want a pony." It would be hard for me to say no.

A friend was texting back and forth with me and suggesting distractions, "how about a puppy?" she said.(like I want to sell a house with a puppy in it) Then she texted me,"oooh I just had the best idea! Why not distract everyone with a baby! you have 9 months......that would be so much fun! now I'm really giggling..." So, a big NO to that one. The pony is looking better and better.

In the end it is not about ponies, dogs, or guilt. It is about change and how we handle it. I guess the best I can do is handle it well and instead of saying I'm sorry to my children, keep saying I love you.