One thing I was looking forward to when I stopped working was getting back to my Tai Chi. I had purchased a DVD and done some at home and really found it helped with my stress. The children would sometimes ask, "Mom did you do your Tai Chi today?" if I got grumpy with them. I was ready when me moved here to relish all my free time in my new house and add Tai Chi back into my fitness routine. Of course that was before we found out we had to move, again.
So the free time I had will now be used packing, cleaning, and purging. Up until this point however, I had gotten back into my Tai Chi. I must admit I love it. It is 20 minutes of time I HAVE to devote to me, or at least try. I do some morning exercises. You need to focus on moving slowly and breathing carefully.
One time when I was doing my morning Tai Chi routine I had a truly blissful moment, a meditative moment, and then I thought to myself, "hey what's going on this is cool." and it was over. I pondered what had happened. I worked very hard to try to get it again. It did not seem to work. I got frustrated. I decided to call my sister. She is more knowledgeable about meditation techniques. I explained my situation to her. She just laughed and said, "Stop trying to get it, the more you try ensures it won't happen." I asked, "Can I get it to last longer?, this moment of out of body bliss?" My sister said, "Sure, if you meditate like 20 hours a day." Since I don't have that kind of time I am left trying the best I can on my own with my 20 minutes.
This is where the trouble comes in to the story. I do my exercises, I breath, I try to relax, and the THOUGHTS come bursting in. Sometimes it is just questions like, what are we going to have for dinner?, or did I write bread on the shopping list? Now the questions are getting more intense, how to make that closet look bigger? Do I really NEED this or that to come to Chicago? How am I going to sell this house? What is Chicago like? and what does everyone want for Christmas? The thoughts and questions crash into my head. They burst my potential bubble of serenity and quiet. Some days I give up and let them come. Other days I try to push them out and FOCUS on my Tai Chi. It is a constant battle, just like the Yin and the Yang of the Chi AND everything in my life!